Out of the Loop
by Gandalf the Beige
Summary: Returning from a ten year stretch in the Napoleonic Wars, Gary MacTavish Discovers that things have changed, including one that catches him off guard.
1. Concerning Stepsiblings

**Out of the Loop**

Disclaimer: I do not own Martin Mystery, related Personnel & Entities or The Centre, the 42nd Highlanders, or the MIB for that matter. These are used without permission for purely entertainment purposes. I DO, however, own the one long-lost field agent, two office schmoes and three Leviathan victims, along with a wee bonnie girl of three and a boy on the way (in story, I'm a terminal bachelor.)

Description: When one is away for ten years, one tends to miss a lot: office reorganizations, cafeteria menu adjustments, that sort of thing. But what happens when one misses something important?

Authors Note: Mr. MacTavish left on New Years Eve, so he would know of the "Christmas Village" debacle. Insert Scottish accent where fits, I'm not bothering (well, maybe a little).

**Chapter 1: Concerning Stepsiblings**

Dec. 20th, 2010 CE

In the dark and sterile sea of desks and consoles that was The Centre there was something strangely out of place. Between the glow of computer monitors and vague dimensions of this place of paranormal inquiry one could notice a man with dark brown hair and a four-day beard dressed in clothes not usually seen in this location. In fact, he looked like something straight out of the Napoleonic War, in the period uniform of the 42nd Highlanders to be exact. He had a feather in his bonnet and a kilt aboon' the knee, a musket with a long, thin bayonet in one arm and his aforementioned furry headgear in the other to go with his red uniform jacket.

The desk workers stared at the man; those that once knew him ran up to him screaming happily, some not bothering to avoid the bayonet. He was Gary MacTavish, field agent, but also late of the 42nd Highlanders, having spent the last ten years in the early 19th century, from 1805 to 1815. He had been investigating several disappearances outside Edinburgh, when he was sucked up in the samephenomena asthey were, landed in the past, and was drafted right into the peninsular war. After Waterloo, he had just reappeared in the same field, only now it was almost totally built up with condominiums. He had found the missing persons... mostly dead.

Now he was back, and was supposed to head to the Employee Resources Department, but since it had moved, he wound up in a gymnasium. He then bothered to ask someone and found the right door. He walked in, and almost immediately the clerk hid under his desk at the sight of an armed Scot. The man... if you could call him a MAN, being in fact one of the infamous 'Greys', hid until Gary actually looked under the desk.

"Are you going to stay there all day, or are you going to bloody help me?" The uniformed man asked. He helped the alien out from under the desk, asking his name.

"Eh'nook'mar, but they just call me Mars around here." Said the grey in a croaky accent. Gary sighed in relief that the grey spoke English, having almost forgotten all the Mintarian he ever learned, plus a horse had stepped on and crushed his Universal Translator in 1809.

"Well, sorry about scaring you, but M.O.M told me at the debriefing to come here. I need reassigning" Mars sat back down at his console and began typing. "Well, you'll have to wait a while, it's not easy to find replacements for agents like the Mysteries you know."

This caught Gary's attention, because he knew only one person with that particular surname. "Mysteries, as in plural?"

"Yes, you heard right: Martin Mystery got married." stated Mars as he continued typing.

Gary just looked stunned, but finally managed to say something. "Wonder of wonders, its finally happened! The egotistical ASS finally found someone to tame him. When did this happen?"

"Four years ago this February, and what are you talking about, Martin doesn't act like that?"

Gary sighed. "Apparently you weren't here when I met him. It was 10 years ago today, right before Ms. Lombard's infamous 'Christmas from Hell' if memory serves. I had been briefed for my assignment. On my way out I met Mr. Mystery, Ms. Lombard and Java. Diana seemed attracted to me, while Mystery promptly began flirting with a passing secretary." Gary sat down on one of the chairs. "I know, I know: That was just the 'dumb kid' inherent in all his age, but his record speaks volumes;" at this point Gary began to count on his fingers "Cocky to a fault, overconfident, vain, an ego the size of Northumbria; I'm surprised he's lived this long."

Gary took a complimentary juice box from a table, murmuring a compliment at the better conditions in the waiting area. "So," asked Gary as he removed the straw "who's the poor unfortunate that had to shrink Martin's ego?" Gary poked the straw in and began drinking.

Mars, continuing to type, said two words in a completely conversational tone.

"Diana Lombard."

Gary never got to taste his juice, as the airflow promptly changed course and made the box explode. "Diana Lombard?" squeaked Gary in a voice containing elements of both helium inhalation and the thought of impending castration as grape juice dripped down his nose. "Diana Lombard? As in Mystery's partner, as in his total opposite, as in his FRIGGIN' STEPSISTER?" Gary's voice had risen to a frantic scream

"The one and only." Replied Mars as he calmly continued to type.

Gary slumped back in his chair. "How did THIS happen? I remember them being at each others throats!"

"Well," began Mars as he actually stopped typing, "there's always been talk of a high-level conspiracy to create the ideal agent, but it's also always been _denied_. M.O.M, Billy, the Martians, _my_ people: If you can name them, they've denied being involved."

He took a drink of water "More likely it's just how Martin and Diana tell it: subtle glances, touching of finger tips, playing hard to get; not much that wouldn't be acceptable where you've been. From what I've heard, this romance began around fall 2001, stayed in the shadows until summer 2003, they were engaged by the fall of 2006 and, like I said, they were married Valentines Day, 2007."

Gary stood up, having finally regained enough motor skills to reach for a tissue to clean off the sticky mess of drying juice off his face. As he cleaned out the various nooks and crannies of his face his voice became slightly lighter in tone. "You want to know something?"

"Not especially." Answered Mars as he began typing again, although Gary began talking anyway.

"I'm actually happy for them, _despite_ having just come from an era that would have decried them as violating the laws of God. I assume the laws on the marriage of stepsiblings changed while I was gone."

"Actually, they haven't changed one bit; we probably have the religious right down south to thank for that."

Gary was surprised by this, but thought of something. "I KNEW IT! This was all one big joke, a lie to keep me off-balance and make me look like an idiot in public!"

Finally getting fed up with all these interruptions, Mars actually stood up. "Frankly, Mr. MacTavish, I object to being called a liar, and perhaps you've forgotten, but my kind do _not_ joke. It's a very dangerous thing to do when you live your life surrounded by sensitive equipment in the middle of interstellar space: someone almost ALWAYS ends up paying the price. I'll just assume you're still in shock."

Gary became confused again. "Then how were they able to marry when they're stepsiblings?"

"_Because they are not stepsiblings, and have not been for a long time._" came a voice into his mind. He turned to see a female Langatharian, a species of telepathic humanoid reptiles.

"Ah, Lo-Shin, I assume you came about last months leviathan incident. I'm busy enough as it is, but three low level technicians shouldn't be hard to replace." Mars greeted, gesturing for her to come hither.

Seeing Gary's questioning glance, Mars offered a quick explanation and introduction of Lo-Shin from Legal. "On November 15th a group of three engineers on the Leviathan containment went missing. Further investigation revealed a plot to steal the monsters treasure, tarry overseas and generally live like kings. Obviously they were eaten by the lagoons tenant in the attempt."

"_And that's my part in this. Their families have threatened to sue, and the Legal Department is forming the defence. In the meantime we need replacements."_ Said Lo-Shin as she leaned over Mars' screen. Gary, still recovering from the shock of his first telepathic contact in a decade, asked what Lo-shin had meant. _"As Mars here likely told you, Martin and Diana's relationship was a secret until the summer of 2003. It was actually Java that caught on, picking up a slight change in behaviour between the two back in the spring of 2002" _

"And he didn't think anything of it?" questioned Gary.

"You have to remember who we're talking about. Java comes from a time when people didn't really _have_ a concept of marriage. They mated, stayed together for life; the male got his head smashed in by his mates' family if he broke the arrangement, but basically: if you weren't blood it was okay as far as the tribe went." Said Mars as he finished filling the places

_"But back to the point. The strange thing is that their parents (Mr. Lombard and Mrs. Mystery) agreed that their marriage shouldn't be an obstacle to their children's happiness; never quite understood why they changed their minds. Anyway, they apparently divorced, kept being friends, and Martin and Diana's relationship went from there." _

With all the explaining done, the conversation turned, as usual, to lunch. Apparently while MacTavish had been missing the cafeteria menu had improved and now featured everything from live food to raw meat to whole eggs to strange nutrient soups (apparently just the old regulation slop watered down and with added kick for the filter feeders). Lo-Shin was planning on having the raw turkey and ostrich egg combo with a side of lime Jell-O for example while mars was leaning towards the protein wafers and Complex Carbohydrate cubes in a bolognaise sauce.

Lo-Shin departed and left the two alone again. "What's this about replacing Martin and Diana then?" Asked Gary when he had regained his cognitive functions.

"Diana's going on Maternity leave, if you must know, although I'm sure you'd have found out eventually. Its not like it's a secret around here that after the last one Martin _insists _on being with her."

"_Last one_?"

"You'll see."

"Ah... how far along is she?" asked an incredulous Gary

"Somewhere between 'Do you look different?' and 'blindingly obvious'."

"Now will you assign me to something, please?" begged Gary.

Mars, sighing in frustration, looked to the monitor. "We _might_ have something in 'Dangerous Animal Removal', but..."

"Do I get to use me gun?" asked Gary, handling his musket.

"Yes, if it comes to that, but I must warn you..."

"THEN SIGN ME UP LADDIE!"

Mars was floored by this shout, but managed to reach up and press the 'Confirm' button on the pad. Gary then took his hat and his gun and strolled out to find a drycleaner, leaving Mars to shout "DON'T FORGET: CHRISTMAS PARTY ON THE 24TH!" He then remembered that he hadn't told Gary about the alliance.

* * *

Yes, Gary was multitasking, and just wait until the party.

Next Time: They are the best-kept secret in the Universe... and the Centre is just their paranormal division.


	2. Alliance

Out of the Loop 

Disclaimer: I do not own Martin Mystery, related Personnel & Entities or The Centre, the 42nd Highlanders, or the MIB for that matter. These are used without permission for purely entertainment purposes. I DO, however, own the one long-lost field agent, two office schmoes and three Leviathan victims, along with a wee bonnie girl of three and a boy on the way (in story, I'M not even dating) and a strange traveler.

Description: When one is away for ten years, one tends to miss a lot: office reorganizations, cafeteria menu adjustments, that sort of thing. But what happens when one misses something important?

Chapter 2: Alliance

**Montreal, PQ. Dec 24th. 2010 CE**

Voices and music of a definitely holiday variety wafted from the hotel ballroom as Gary adjusted his grey sports coat and trousers in the washroom. "Damn sneaky pant legs… always twisting in the wrong places!" Having worn a kilt for most of the last decade, he was having a bit of trouble when it came to wearing modern clothing, especially between the belt and the socks. He finally got his pants in order and headed out to the party.

As he approached the doors he noticed that English and French weren't the only languages being spoken. Strange tongues of all pitches and tones he heard, and as the entered the room, he found out why. In the main ballroom, which was decked with all the usual winter greenery, there were Humans, myth-folk, Mintarians, Langatharians and most other species he knew but there were also _others_. Strange creatures that resembled sea-life, reptiles, birds, and sundry others milled about, wearing either fashionable attire, nothing at all or just something thrown on. He passed a coffee machine at the buffet, along with short, thin creatures drinking coffee out of martini glasses.

Along with the aliens were a number of strange humans; some of who wore black suits and some wore immaculately white shirts, ties and pants. The others he recognized as people from the Centre. After grabbing a mug of what looked like eggnog he looked around to find the ones he sought and as a matter of fact, _they_ found _him_. Walking up to him were two people, a man and a woman, that were familiar.

"Gary?" asked Diana. "Aye." Answered Gary, looking her over gawk-eyed. She was much the same as she was ten years back, just that she had matured a little, had her hair in a loose bun, was wearing a blue dress… and a wee bit o' growth 'round the abdomen if you know what I mean. Martin, on the other hand was wearing his hair long this year in kind of a David Xanatos-chic ponytail. He was wearing light green sports coat with slacks of emerald, but still favoured the wearing of black shirts apparently. Finally unable to keep silent, he breathed deep and said, "Well… look at you two: All grown up! And expecting your first bairn by the looks of it!"

Martin and Diana exchanged a confused look, glanced behind them… and came to the rapid conclusion that something that was supposed to be there wasn't. Martin dashed off, leaving Gary and Diana alone in the crowd. They talked politely. "Never would've expected this, oh no. Never thought you two would've stopped fighting, let alone get feelings for each other." "I hope this didn't come as too much of a shock, all this I mean."

"Of course not lass. It's just that you two always had the nastiest spats. I also seem to remember you drooling over someone named 'Marvin'. How is he?" To this Diana took some offence, retorting that she NEVER drooled, but then pointed him out, along with his fiancée, Jenny (it was either this or kill Marvin in a 'freak' accident; I chose to kill two birds with one stone).

At last Martin came back, leading a small girl with blond pigtails and a face covered in lime Jell-O to the small group. "Gary, this is our daughter Margaret. She turned three last month on the eleventh." "November 11th, as in Martinmas?" Gary looked at Martin "Clever." Now that he looked closer at the girl, he could see the combining of features, and if the lime Jell-O being cleaned from her face was any indication, she was heading towards possessing her fathers natural slime-o-holism.

Gary bid farewell to the parents and child, but stopped a short distance away and looked back. Never in a thousand years would he have suspected this, but here it was staring him in the face. Time had passed, and people's hearts and minds had shifted with it.

"Beautiful family, ain't it?" said a voice beside his head. Gary turned to see a 30-something black man in the black suit get-up. "Sure is slick, sure is." Gary turned again, meeting a white male in his sixties. Noticing Gary's confusion, they introduced themselves "Gary, this is Agent K, I'm J, and we're… well, that'll save me some time, Zed's going to speak."

And indeed one of the black suited men was coming to speak on the raised podium, a rather old one by the looks of it.

"Welcome, Centre Operatives and Men… and Women in Black, to the 10th annual interoffice Christmas Party, though on Centaurion time it feels more like six." A gentle ripple of polite laughter went through the room. "And let me be the first Man in Black to congratulate Martin and Diana, the team who brought together those looking out with those looking in, on the upcoming birth of their second child." Zed gestured toward the group of 3, which triggered polite clapping. "Woiebgck and Bob promise not to play any Seattle grunge this year, though be prepared for a waltz or two, maybe some banjo and as always, have a blast."

With this he stepped down and allowed the party to mingle, gnome with alien, troll with sprite, and of course, men in black with confused Scotsmen. "Who are you?" "We're an extra-governmental agency which licenses, monitor and polices extraterrestrial activity on the planet earth." Gary turned to J to get a better answer but got a different answer. "We're serious." "But the centre already had connections in outer space, why do we need you guys."

K put on his 'legal code recitation' face. "Because, Gary, the aliens you made contact with were usually trying to gain some kind of favouritism with earth governments, and since earth cannot be allied one way or another and remain a neutral safe haven, we had to step in. Not to mention that most of the Centre's technology is either illegal in more than 20 sectors, dangerously experimental and/or too advanced to arrive on earth for the next ten thousand years. Mostly dumped here by somebody desperate not to get caught with it."

J decided to cut in. "Which incidentally, makes this stuff perfect for you guys. I once thought space was weird, but what goes on down here is just… Damn!" They led Gary into the cloakroom and shut the door behind them.

"This next part is understood to be totally secret, completely Omega level security clearance, you got that?" Asked K, deadly serious. "Aye" was Gary's shrewd response, not completely sure what prompted this. "We know you're curious as to how Martin and Diana wound up, especially considering how they acted when you last saw them, so here's the skinny." The two agents then wove a complicated tale of how fostering an attraction repressed by parental matrimony had been one of the founding conditions of bringing the Centre back into the MIB fold, since M.O.M. (or Agent M) had gone government back in the seventies after a series of paranormal incidents. They knew not why; maybe M.O.M. decided to play matchmaker.

The two agents then put on sunglasses. "Of course you realise that this conversation never happened." Said K. "What the bloody hell are you…" Gary could not finish his exclamatory, for a flash of bright red light clouded everything in the world.

Gary's' senses returned later on, with a full mug of eggnog in one hand and a pastry in the other. He wandered around, but then something strange happened. A man covered head to foot in clothes that could only be called "Fremen" with only his eyes showing, passed by him. Gary began to feel strange, as if time was forming a bubble around the man, the same stretching and warping feeling he had experienced… when he had gone through time!

Meanwhile

"Well Agent M, this is certainly shaping up to be the most festive party we've had yet. But I don't understand why you refuse to enforce a tighter security system when it comes to agents." Zed asked M.O.M. as they shared coffee with the worms, but using mugs.

"Take a look at Martin and Diana for just one example. They have so much to enjoy, and to be and to do. Things they couldn't experience trapped behind a letter and a pair of black shades with no past and no future." "This from the woman who forsook her letter for an acronym."

"Their my initials: Maude Olivia Mackenzie… or was it Margaret Octavia McDougal, I can never remember which?" The former Agent M stroked her chin in thought

"Anyway…" Zed raised his mug in a toast "to the Mystery children: may they inherit neither their mothers irrationality nor their fathers stupidity." "Hardy har har." Replied M dryly as their mugs clinked.

Hope you enjoyed, and yes, by reviewer request, I will try to write a history of the preceding ten years of Martin and Diana's lives. And just who is this stranger with the time bubble?


End file.
